Romance versus Finance Fiasco

In 2008 when I published my first magazine,I was privileged to interview the CEO of GUFAX Micro-finance Bank, probably the biggest micro-finance bank in my state. His name?Mr. Uduak Udoh.He sat across on his executive settee and gave an animated stare that still remains indelible in my memory.

I asked about his wife, his family.
“Oh, marrying my wife was the best thing that ever happened to me”, he mused and an infectious chuckle escaped his mouth

“How so?”, I asked catching on on his enthusiasm.
“Very often, I have women who come to seduce me in this office. On all occasions, I laugh. I often ask them,’You want me now. Would you have wanted me a few years ago when I had nothing but dreams?’ ”

His words did in deed catch my attention.

He continued:”You see, George Essien, when I proposed to my wife I had nothing. Yes, I was a graduate but unemployment made me sell rubber shoes for children at the Uyo market. When my father-in-law asked my wife what I was doing for a living, she simply said I was into the shoe business

” ‘Is that the kind of man you want to marry?You think I don’t know.He sells rubber shoes in Uyo market’, her father told her.My wife took the ridicule, believed in me and still got married to me. We have come a long way.”

I processed his thought, literally gulped and asked, ”So what would you say is the secret of your success?”

Uduak Udoh said to me,”Some one who believes in you and your dreams and is still willing to go all the way with you.I wouldn’t be here if my wife didn’t really stand by me. There were many rough roads. She is a major part of the secret of my success”

An interesting summary of the secret of his success, in deed.

Unfortunately, would we say that we still have women who can stick it out like that with men like Uduak Udoh’s wife?

This morning, I listened to a presentation on my Samsung Galaxy tab of Mr. Cosmos Maduka of the Coscharis group. He is the 5th richest man in Nigeria.His company is the sole distributor of BMW in Nigeria.He said, “I married at 19. Thank God for my wife. There were times when our land lord harassed us because we didn’t have rents. My business had failed, and my wife would go and work and bring N75 so that we can pay rents.Today I am worth Billions.I too have a story”

Such support!
Are there still women like that?

The 21st century woman doesn’t think like that. In Africa, especially in Nigeria, a man has to have everything – a car, a house, a good paying job, and at least N2 million or 6,000 pounds or 15,000 dollars to do a lavish wedding.

That seems to be every African man’s goal.
In essence, no finance, no romance.

Most of these men eventually marry late at an average age of 35 years; some at 40. At this point, now wealthy, these men go for younger ladies, those in their early 20s. Their female contemporaries, those of their generation, are ignored. Why? They have become too old or look old.

So the 21st century ladies who are bent on a man having it all soon get to a desperate point. Most of them end up marrying the available.

In 2011, I put up a post on facebook that generated over 200 comments, some abusive. Perhaps , you would want to read. Here goes: ‘I don’t pity those unmarried ladies who are past 30 and who are desperately going from one singles program after the other praying desperately for a husband. Their husbands came around when they were in their twenties but they were so blinded to see him”

Perhaps their standards were too high.
Perhaps they focused on their career, focusing on finance, forgetting romance.
Perhaps they were influenced by their parent.

I had hundreds of women attack me on that line, but some others agreed I was telling the truth.

Here is how most men think: If I have to make all the money in order to marry a woman, then the woman had better be a very young and the most voluptuously beautiful woman in the world. If I made all the money, and paid N5million for her bride price, then she should remain in the house as a house wife.

My take?
Be smart.

If you are a lady and see a man you can believe in and he asks for marriage, close the deal and build your life with him. For men, if you find a woman who is particular about what you have right now, walk away. Search for those who can dream and believe with you. If you don’t find, go about your business, make your millions and women will flock to you.

For one on one counseling with George Essien call 2348187133153


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