Marriage begins with YOU: Identifying who you are , what you have, what you like, and what you lack. It begins with self discovery. When you discover who you are, you know who don’t want.
Values are important. In fact, it is more important than the feelings of love, especially when it comes to marriage. In the long run, those things you value and share with your spouse are what will determine the longetivity of the relationship.
Until you discover yourself, your spouse cannot discover you. Self discovery leads to spouse discovery. When a woman becomes a wife in attitude and character, her husband shows up. If no man is asking you for marriage, check yourself. The problem is not external, it is internal. Your values and personality create a magnetic flux around you. Young woman, if riff-raffs are the ones around you then the persona you are oozing is not that of a wife but of a harlot. Men sleep with girls but they marry wives.
What are your values? Have you made them habits, have you made them your life style? What are his/her values? Are they compatible with yours? What is your passion? Are your passions compatible or at least complimentary? They say, ‘opposite temperaments attract’ ; but it is similar values that will ‘glue’ the couple forever .Love is not what binds couples permanently together; it is similar values.
Sex should never be your first motive for marriage. Remember that you will have plenty of it in the marriage. After all is said and done, something in you would want a woman or man who shares similar or complimentary passions. Beauty is good, but go for content , for character.
When you find yourself, you find your spouse.
MY CONVERSATION WITH A LADY:
LIFE COACH: Why are you not married yet ?
LADY: I have not seen the right man yet.
LIFE COACH: That is not true. And if it is so, it means that you have not become the right woman yet. For when you become the right woman the Right Man APPEARS.
You are struggling with choice because you don’t know who are. Knowledge births peace, rest. Your eyes see your ‘bone of your bone; flesh of your flesh’ when you discover yourself. The law of attraction states: “You don’t get what you want or who want ,you get who you are” The man or woman around you is usually consistent with who you are. If what you see you don’t like, look back at you. Your relationships are a reflection of you. Like attracts like.
Courtship is not marriage. It is better to have a broken courtship than to have a broken marriage. The word ‘courtship’ seems to have the word ‘court’ embedded in it. One marriage counselor says, “Courtship is not for intercourse but for interview”. Another one said, “When you start touching, you stop talking”. Interesting. Determine your values.
Ask your ‘intended’ questions. What are his/her dreams? Where are you going to? Is she or he of the same faith? If so, what doctrinal values may cause trouble? How can they be solved? When engaged couples ask questions they solve a lot of problems.
Never be desperate. Young woman, remember that men do the finding, you do the positioning. Don’t just say ‘yes’ , think about it. There is joke said among bachelors that has some kind of wit in it. It goes: “If you ask a lady to marry you and she says no, DON’T ASK HER AGAIN. She is not your wife. Your real wife will not say ‘NO’. At worst, she will say, ‘Let me think about it’. If she says, ‘Let me think about it’, ask her again. If she says, ‘YES’ the very moment you asked her, WATCH AND PRAY. Either she is desperate or your real wife.”
Values are important. They will form the bedrock of your future family. They’d influence and shape your children. Similar values should inform your decision for marriage, not desperation. I receive a lot of mails from ladies who are past 30 and desperately want to make a marital decision. I sympathize with them. But if staying that long was because you didn’t find someone who shared like values, you are not in the wrong track. Usually, however, your remaining unmarried is because you haven’t become a wife in attitude or character; or that your husband showed up and you were not sensitive enough to recognize.