The feeling of love is not an indication that you are ready; peace is. Peace is approval.

Feelings fluctuate. Feelings  are a mediocre way of confirming readiness or revealing compatibility. Real love is more than feeling. In fact, it begins where feelings stop.

There is an inner witness. You first need inner approval. If there is no approval. If there is no peace in you, don’t make that move. Let peace always be your final indicator, your umpire. How do you know when there is ‘yes’ in you when you have not learnt how to fellowship with yourself? To fellowship with yourself is to enjoy singlehood, define your values , and set a trajectory for your life. To fellowship with yourself means to commune with your creator, the creator of  you.

The same way you felt before you applied and got that job, that contract, or pursued that career, is the same way you will feel when it comes to the choice of a partner. God will deal with you the same way. If it was through dreams, vision, strong impression, the pattern and method would not change. God doesn’t direct you to one person but to a group of women who have similar values, temperaments that can be compatible with you. This  happens through witness or inner peace.

The first approval you need is inner approval. Interestingly, that usually is God’s approval.

The second approval is mentoral or pastoral approval. Any engaged couple that doesn’t have mentoral or pastoral guidance is headed for trouble. People see what you don’t see. Focus is blind. You are so engrossed you need a  mentoral or pastoral perspective. Our emotions and involvements many times becloud our perspective.

Young woman, don’t marry a man who doesn’t have a pastor or mentor he listens to. This is important because in the days of trouble, you can run to that mentor and your husband would listen to that mentor.

Young man, don’t marry a woman who isn’t loyal to a church or synagogue. Her submission is all the proof you need to believe that she will submit to you. Also, her pastor knows her and can tell you what to watch out for! If your pastor expresses reservation, consider. Don’t back off, but consider. Weigh the odds. Let reason conquer emotions. People observe what you don’t observe.

Third approval is parental and family approval

If your relationship isolates you, then be carefully about it. It is naturally for parents ,siblings and friends to show some form of jealousy. After all, they love you . They want best for you. In the midst of the fray , there may be wisdom. Of course! Your parents are not always right. Prayerfully, get your parental consent. Don’t fight your parents. There is a blessing they must give you.

There are conditions when parents because of prejudice, sentiments, tribal issues or status, may oppose. Eloping is not the answer. Living together is not either. Fighting and quarrelling are not it. There is place called the inner chamber. Never underestimate the power of the inner chamber. The heart of men are in the hands of God. Begin your courtship with prayer. A spiritual foundation is the best marital foundation. Pray about any opposition

Remember that marriage is not for boys, but for men; women, not girls. Age indeed isn’t maturity or sign of it, but a 16 years old girl should not be talking marriage; for marriage is a daunting task. It is better to enjoy singlehood than carry the burden of marriage at that early age. Take this test of approval seriously.

What are your siblings saying? And your friends? Now, they mustn’t totally agree, but they must admit that your ‘person’ is OK for you. If your parent, sibling and friends vehemently oppose your relationship, stop and consider. Their consent is key. Their consent is their blessing.


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